I don't really know what it's like to miss someone.
I've heard songs, I've seen movies, I've read books about it. But I don't think I've actually missed someone to the point where I long for their eyes, touch, or smile with a ache.
Sure, I miss some people.
The way their laugh sounds, the way they'd talk, and the way they'd move.
But I don't think it's the same as the way I wished it was.
These days I've been thinking about that feeling, and whether it'll be easier to let that aching slip over my walls one day. I know I shouldn't, because I know the more I think about it - the higher I'll build that expectation. And that's not fair for me, or who ever there will be someday.
Have you ever felt this way?
Sometimes I feel like I'm just desperate, and need to snap out of it. I've been listening to too many love songs, reading too many books, watching too many romcoms. I've fallen in love with just the idea - not the baggage, the compromises, the trouble of it all.
But at the same time, is it really that bad of a thing to do?
To wish for something magical? To want something close to me?
To be in love?
I ask myself these questions all the time. And I tell myself all kinds of things - sometimes it's true, sometimes I could be wrong.
So I just stick with what I have, what I know, and what I'm trying to figure out.
I'm trying not to think about it. Not want it.
It's a hard thing to do - but it's getting easier.
I'm focusing on myself. Doing what I love. Exploring new places. Trying new things. Enjoying old memories. Finding small dreams.
I'm trying not to worry about whether I should wait around to experience this moment with someone else. Rather than saving it, I'll live this moment.
Right?
~
Whoever you are, I miss you.
