I swear this is the last part and I'll actually go on about how my Summer's going so far!
Catch up on what I've been babbling on, click here for part 1, and here for part 2.
Finally. I'm actually talking about June!
It wasn't the best.
I had to take a breather, which I feel is necessary for many people.
I took time off and away from my best friend. I never went on Skype, and ignored her messages. I just needed to sort things out with myself for a while.
After a month of radio silence, we had a bump in the road between each other.
To be completely honest, it's a conversation that everyone needs.
People just need to check themselves at times, even if it hurts or is hard.
For the 11 years that we've known each other, we've shared things and hid things. In my part, I've hid and pent up a lot of things.
I've thought about having this conversation with my best friend for a long time. When I thought it was time, it was hard to put my words together for her.
Even 10 minutes in, I couldn't breathe properly because my throat started closing up. I had to turn off my microphone and camera (we were video chatting on Skype), to let out a good and long cry.
It's not easy to feel trapped for such a long time, and be shot down constantly and feel like even the closest people can't help you. Mainly because they are the people who shoot you down.
You may not think it's a big deal or anything. But it is for me.
- Ugh, I'm even crying while I'm typing this out -
I had bottled up a lot of things that bothered me about our friendship.
How I didn't feel like she understood how she hurt me in the things she says.
The way she acts.
The way she hurts not only me, but others around her.
How I feel like I can't trust her with anything because of her quick judgment or assumptions.
She may not have realized it then, or even at that time we were having
this conversation, but it was time for me to point it out.
This wasn't just me, targeting her. She pointed things out about me as well, and I understood the things she said. It's true. Honestly is honestly, but I still felt like she didn't understand because she turned things on me at times during our conversation. Or maybe she just didn't understand what I was trying to get at. She may have acknowledged it, but didn't let it settle long enough for realization.
I don't want this to sound like I'm being childish, whinny, and putting all the blame on her for making me feel this way. Of course I have things to work on myself, this is just something that I think will make our friendship stronger (in a way).
When you're being honest, it can bring people closer when you know what's on each others minds.
I ended up ending the video call, and continuing the conversation over messages.
A few days after ending the conversation, we eventually talked it out more and gradually went back to the way we were before.
School ended, and Summer arrived.
Ugh, the Summer weather in New York City can be horrible. It gets unbearably humid and moist, which makes the heat even worse.
This is why I love the Winter the most.
Well, this was my June.
:P
I'll talk to you in the next post, where I actually get into my Summer so far (even though it is mid-August).
Sorry about that...
Until then, bye ~
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