3 AM Thoughts

It's been December 24th for only 3 hours and 12 minutes so far.

The night sky is quite grey, so it's not really pitch black outside.
It's been lightly drizzling for a while, just like it was last year.

I couldn't fall asleep so I decided to write this while I lay in bed.
I turned my fairy lights on to make it feel more Christmasy, and this is just going to be me splurging out my thoughts.

Here's something --
I was born at 2:15AM on this night 17 years ago.
Yeah, I'm a Christmas Eve baby.

I wonder where my brother was.
He was only one year-old.
Was he asleep or awake when my mom was having me?

I wonder what my mom was doing when she realized she was going into labor. Or what she thought.
It was probably along the lines of "oh crap!" But in cantonese of course, haha!
She was probably like, "aww c'mon, I just want to sleep. I'm too tired to push this thing out."

(I'm silently laughing so hard right now, and I can't breath underneath my duvet. Hopefully my parent's don't hear me).

Crazy huh?

17 years.
Seventeen.

I'll probably come back to this page when I'm older, and think "Oh Vicky. So young and naive."

My birthday's don't ever feel like one... if that makes sense.
It would feel like it's just another day, nothing really special.
Since it would be the first day of winter break, I'd be sleeping in or doing homework most of the time.

Last year I went on a walk in the morning, and I think I'll make it my own little tradition. I'd go to a cafe for a hour or two and enjoy being alone. It gets me out of the house before some of my relatives come over, and I could get some peace and quiet for the day.

It's something that I've been trying to do this year.
It clears my mind a bit, and gives me some time to breathe.
It makes me feel a bit small... you know?
There's so many people in the world, and then there's just me.

I would think about all the people in the world on this day, and try to imagine what they're doing and how they feel.

There's kids and adults who are super excited for the holidays.
Loved ones who are spending their first holidays together, kids who may remember this time for the rest of their lives, or people who just love the festive period. The people who may not celebrate this time, or can't.

I wouldn't spend time having a giant birthday bash like most teens. I'd spend most of my time reflecting on the year I had, and what I've done or haven't done. It's a pretty downer time for me, but I like it.

My relatives would come over for dinner, and I would binge watch movies in bed or at my desk with my cousins. The fairy lights of my room would be on, and I'd be all warm underneath the blankets.

It's better than anything else I'd wish for.

That's it from me, I'm probably going to watch some movies until the sun comes out.
~ Vicky